I’ve been in a wheelchair for 11 years now and with being in a wheelchair there are some things that have become normal for me over the years. One of the things that has been normal for me is travelling and what I mean by that is the number of miles that I travel throughout the week and how many hours I have to charge my chair to get it back to 100%.
In my math class (A subject that I hate) I have to do a presentation and since I was working on my film this idea came into my head. I wanted to do something that coincided with the film and I choose to do my presentation on the number of miles that I travel on a daily basis and the number of hours it takes to charge my wheelchair.
Now in all honesty I’ve never cared about the number of miles I traveled throughout the day. The only thing I cared about was where am I going tomorrow and what time do I need to charge my chair so it be fully charged. But while recording my miles I realized that the number of miles that I travel does matter because it determines how much time it takes to actually charge my chair back to 100%. For example, Last Friday I travelled a total of 3.5 miles through the day and when I charged my chair that night it took 4 hours to fully charge it back to 100%
See, something that I thought to be normal is very important to what I do during the day. It’s important to the way I schedule my day and the things I can do and can’t do in my wheelchair. My math professor was right when she says everything we do in life requires math. Hey!! It’s all mathematics, the number of miles that I travel in a day and the number of hours it takes to charge my chair. See, I actually did learn something in my math class this quarter! Oh I am so smart!! Lol
Hey everybody!! Sorry for not posting on my blog yesterday everyone but I had to take care of some issues with my new wheelchair which I’ll talk about in my blog post tomorrow! I’ll have my post for today up later this morning.
So far I’ve been enjoying working on my film, it has been such a great experience for me. Last Wednesday I actually started filming, it was just for practice to get aquatinted with the video camera I’ll be working with for the film. I was trying to figure out what I was going to shoot for practice then it hit me, I should film my trip from the DePaul campus in Lincoln Park all the way to my house. It’s a trip that I normally take and so I figured it would be a good idea.
I started my trip at the DePaul student center and from there I rode in my wheelchair all the way back to my apartment. Let me tell you, I had so much fun filming and I got some incredible footage. Seeing my travels through a video camera was just amazing because I normally don’t think about my travels back to my home and when I looked at the footage I was stunned by the many obstacles I go through.
Now on the day I started filming it was cold and there was no snow on the ground. Now just imagine the obstacles I really have to go through when it snows, trust me it’s not fun at all. In the end my film session was fun as hell and today I am going out here to have another filming session. If this one is as fun and exciting as my first session, then I can’t wait to get outside, enjoy the weather and start filming my journey through the City of Chicago.
Today I wanted to focus on one of the topics I’m considering talking about in this film and that is the topic of love. This to me is one of the toughest and hardest topics I wanted to talk about in the film because I’ve never opened up about my struggles of being in a wheelchair and being in love. I have friends and family in my life that love me and I love them as well and while I do have that love of my friends and family, I still feel lonely as hell at times.
I personally feel that I have created this loneliness in my heart. I’ve created this loneliness for fear that if I tell another woman that I lover her and want to be with her that she might not feel the same way that I do (Which can be awkward) and that person would reject me and push me away. I’ve had a few opportunities to admit my love for another woman but I’ve backed off and just haven’t told them.
My fear is that they might not love me because I am in a wheelchair. I’m so afraid of admitting my love to another woman because she might feel that she has to “take care” of me or that if she doesn’t love me back she might just feel obligated to be with me for fear of not hurting my feelings. I don’t know, maybe if I was walking, dealing with rejection would be a lot easier to deal with than being in a wheelchair because I wouldn’t have all of these emotions in my head.
I am so afraid of falling in love it’s a fear that I’ve had for many years. This coincides with other issues that I deal with particularly being a man (A topic I’ll deal with in the future). As a man it pisses me off because I can’t supply the things that are needed in a relationship or that I can’t be as manly as I want to be. It’s just frustrating at times!!!
This is a fear of mine that I’m facing right now while I’m working on this film. This fear of falling in love has held me back for years. This fear of telling another woman how I feel about them is tearing me up inside. I just wish that I had the courage to be real and truly honest about how I feel.
This is a quick post, I want to thank everyone for checking out my first blog post. Just to give everyone a head’s up I will be posting stuff on the blog Wednesday’s and Friday’s in the afternoon. So lookout for my posts on those days. I hope you all enjoy my blog!!
Welcome to Justin’s Wheelchair Chronicles. This blog is dedicated to my documentary The Wheelchair Chronicles which I’m currently working on. This blog is will focus on not only my film but the filming process and my journey creating this film.
I’m going to focus and talk about certain issues that I deal with as a person with disabilities such as being a man in a wheelchair, being black and in a wheelchair, etc.
This film project is a brand new experience for me because I’m not use to opening myself up and expressing my feelings to people and now I’m preparing to open myself up to the world with this film.
I plan on posting information about the film on Wednesday’s and Friday’s, I don’t know what time I’ll be posting information but I will let you know soon. I’ll be also working on improving the blog, I’m just in the beginning stages of this blog so I’ll be making changes from time to time.
I encourage you all to check out my blog and comment because I want to share this blog with everyone but most importantly the people who have helped me over the years, the people who are helping me on this film and to those special people who are in my life.
My Journey Begins Today!!!