Being Scared and Looking At My Future

I’m scared. It’s hard for me to admit it but it’s true, I’m scared to death. The reason I’m feeling this way is because of my legs. Over the past few months I’ve been having a lot of pain in my legs, to be more precise, my hips. It seems like every morning I wake up and my hips feel like they’re on fire. I’ve tried for months not to worry about it and just block out the pain but recently that hasn’t been the case and now I’m worry that something is seriously happening to me and I’m beginning to question whether I’ll walk again.

Now I’ve had problems with my legs from the moment I was born. I’ve used braces as a child, walked with a serious limp through most of my teenage years, and I’ve been using a wheelchair for close to 13 years and I’ve never worried about my legs this much, so why now? Why am I so scared, why am I suffering with this fear of something bad happening to me?

Then it hit me. I’m scared because my life is changing right before my eyes. I’m preparing to graduate from college, I’m working on my first film, and now I’m thinking about things in my life that I’ve never thought about 5 or even 10 years ago. I’m thinking about marriage, my career, and whether I want to have children. Knowing that I have these leg problems, I’m truly concerned about how this will affect my future.

I don’t want to be constantly worrying about the condition my legs for the rest of my life, that’s why going to see this doctor at Northwestern Hospital is very important to me. I have to find out what’s going and figure what to do about it. I know I have the support of my friends and family through this tough time and I need every bit of support I can get now. I just want to find out what’s wrong with me and what I can do to fix it .

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Author: jcooper82

Hey everybody welcome to Justin's Wheelchair Chronicles. This is a blog that's dedicated to my documentary The Wheelchair Chronicles. I'm 36 years old and I'm a proud graduate of DePaul University. Currently I'm of member of Access Living's Young Professionals Council. This film is a journey into my life and the struggles, the obstacles that I go through in my wheelchair. I'm doing this film not only to show people who I am but I want to have fun filming my crazy adventures in the city of Chicago.

3 thoughts on “Being Scared and Looking At My Future”

  1. I hear you bro & I kinda know a little bit about the leg thing. I had damaged the L-3 of my spine causing me to walk & talk a little bit funny. After feeling anger & cheated out of life, my therapist told me to pick up a pen & write & so I did. I’m able to move around better, but i’d say it was because of God mixed with motivation. Motivation is a mixture, kinda like your thoughts of the past, pain in you legs & time moving you along as you graduate. I know you will do fine because I believe in you.

    sincerely, from the fantasy writer of “LondenBerg by Lord Biron”

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  2. It’s pretty scary when your health changes in a negative way, but you will still be you. You’ve overcome so many obstacles; know that you will be able to face any others that come your way. It’s okay to be down, scared, upset, whatever. It’s normal. But you will figure it out and sort it out. You are strong and determined, and that will get you a long way.

    Cheryl

    Like

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