It’s been six months since I last written a post on here. Over the past six months, my life has drastically changed. More people are starting to see my film (which is great), I’ve also started my own production company called Cooper Industries, which focuses on filming, production, and photography. I started it in late March and now I’m getting gigs which is amazing. I’m also working on putting together a website for Cooper Industries that’ll give me a chance to promote my work and give me an opportunity to get more gigs. I’m really excited for everything that’s going on in my life and I’m thankful for all the opportunities that are being presented to me.
The Importance of Seeking Help
About two months ago I posted a screenshot of a person I follow on Twitter to my Instagram. In his Twitter post, he encouraged all black men to go to therapy and he mentioned how it was a life saver and a life enhancer. I’ve thought about going to therapy over the years but often times I ignored those feelings and it disappeared from my mind. I felt like it wasn’t for me, that I didn’t need it, what would I get from talking to a professional? Recently my thoughts about therapy have changed due to certain things that have happened to me over the past year. Over the past year I’ve experienced many highs but also I experienced many lows that made it difficult for me to express my feelings to those I care about and along with those lows made me question my own self-worth as a disabled black man.
I admit that I have a hard time expressing my feelings and keeping those feelings inside of me and it oftentimes has an effect on the relationships I have with people and it has an effect on my mental health. It’s a little funny to me how as a black filmmaker who created a film sharing my thoughts and feelings on various topics as a disabled black man can share those feelings in front of a camera but can’t share my thoughts and feelings to the people I care about in my life. When I’m hurt mentally I keep that hurt to myself, I pretend that nothing is wrong with me, I put on a facade so no one can notice the hurt that I’m going through. When I don’t share those thoughts I get angry and then that anger leads to depression. When I’m depressed I’m in a dark place and in that dark place, I don’t want to deal with anyone, in that dark place I don’t feel loved, in that dark place my biggest fears are there waiting for me. It’s a place where I tend to over think and question every move and thought and it’s scary. When I’m feeling this way it has a strong effect on my self-care. That’s why self-care has been the main focus for me over the past year because I don’t continue to be in that dark place, I want to be able to fully express my feelings, and I want to take care of my mental health.
Since that post on Instagram, I’ve gotten so much love, support, and encouragement to go to therapy from friends who have done it themselves and sharing with me how it’s worked for them. Right now I’m still on my search for a therapist and I feel that in the long run therapy will help and that it’ll be great for my mental health in the long run.
Wheelchair Chronicles Update
It’s been a couple of months since I last posted and a lot has happened in those two months that I need to get everyone caught up on. I recently announced the name of my new media company called Cooper Industries, a company that focuses on my filmmaking, photography, and production work (which I’ll go into more detail in a future post). I’m collaborating on a couple of media projects that are disability focus and will start early next year. I’m also working on putting together a web series continuing where the wheelchair chronicles left off and I’m very excited to be working on that and you’ll find out more about it because it’s in the early stages.
The main reason I’m writing this is because I’m gonna be making some pages to the Wheelchair Chronicles site and also the Facebook page. I feel like it’s time to make a few changes.
Thank you all so much for your continued support of me and your support of the Wheelchair Chronicles, I really appreciate it!
Focusing On Self-Care
I’ve spent this week devoting myself to self-care. I never realized how physically and mentally burnt I was until I spent time taking care of myself and focusing on healing my mind and body. Also this week, I found out that some of my closest friends have been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks due to school, workload, etc. I got a lot of support for focusing on self-care and it’s important that we all look out for each other and encourage our friends and family who are struggling to take care of themselves, to take the time to heal and to recharge our minds and bodies. I love you all and it’s important that you all take the time for self-care.
My Own Worst Critic
Over the last few years I’ve seen my version of The Wheelchair Chronicles countless times and with every viewing, I’m often cringing at what I’m saying on screen. Being my own worst critic, I’m saying to myself during these viewings, “what the hell was I talking about, why did I say what I said in this scene, I can’t believe I said that.” I realize recently during a private viewing session I did for a friend of mine that I’m a completely different person now than I was when I did those interview sessions. 2017 Justin Cooper is different from 2013 Justin Cooper (the year I recorded those sessions).
For example, in parts of the film, I talk about wanting independence and not wanting help from strangers, friends, and even my mom. I felt that in order to be independent, I had to do everything by myself, I had to “prove” to everyone how independent I was gonna be. That was me in 2013 and in the present day I’m thinking to myself, why would you say something like that? It makes no sense. I say that because my interpretation of being independent was slightly off. Being independent is not about trying to prove to others that you don’t need their help or that you can do everything by yourself. In all honesty, I can’t do everything by myself and I require help from my friends and family in certain situations because I see them as being apart of my team, my support system. I can still crave independence but without the strong support system in my life I’m nothing, I’m nothing without them.
Let’s be real, I’m my own worst critic when it comes to my film. In the two showings that I’ve done so far people have been positive in their reviews and understand where I was coming from in talking about being independent but from those interview sessions I’ve grown and have learned more about myself and I’ve met so many wonderful people who made me see that needed help and being on a team is not bad at all.
Self-Evaluating
I’ve been doing a lot of self-evaluating as of late, thinking about how I can improve as a person, how I can be a better friend, how I can be a better advocate. I’ve been thinking more about how I can make more of a social impact in society and through that thinking process, I figure the way I can make that impact is through my passions, through filmmaking, photography, art, and through other forms of media. I feel like I can make a real difference in the world and I’m starting to make a difference in small steps with The Wheelchair Chronicles and I plan on continuing to do that.
Only The Beginning
On Monday after five long years, I finally showed off The Wheelchair Chronicles to a group of my closest friends. It was easily one of the best night of my life. I was a little nervous at first but I knew I was amongst friends who have been so supportive of my journey over the last five years. The great thing about it all is they want more, and there will be more premieres and more celebrations. The next phase of the process is polishing up my edited version and putting together a crowdfunding campaign, where I can hire professional editors, hire composers, work on a proper marketing and promotion, and working on a logo. This only the beginning for me in my life as a filmmaker and I look forward to what the future holds.
Amazement
I continue to be amazed at how many people are still interested and excited for my film. I feel like I continue to let you all down because I still haven’t released The Wheelchair Chronicles. It’s frustrating because life has gotten in the way and the added responsibilities that I’ve taken on recently. All I just want to do is just show you all the finished product and focus my time on creating my business and working on other film projects. I really appreciate your support and continued excitement for this film. It means a lot.
Film Update
2017 is shaping up to be a huge year for me and The Wheelchair Chronicles. This year my film will finally be released and I’m so excited! So my plan is to do a private screening of the film (featuring my edited version) for friends, family, and supporters of my long journey. After that, I plan to launch a Kickstarter campaign that will go into hiring professional editors, a composer, and hiring people to do marketing and promotion so I can submit it to different film festivals across the city of Chicago and the state of Illinois. I’ll be providing more film updates in the coming months and posting more personal stuff on this blog as well. Thank you to everyone for their continued support!
Life Update
It’s been a long time since I’ve written on my blog. Since I finished my film back in February, it’s been on my external hard drive waiting to be released to the public. However, my life has been very busy and I haven’t been able to showcase my work. Since February I’ve had a bigger role in my young professional’s council group at Access Living, I joined a couple of groups there as well. I was involved in putting together the disability pride parade back in July and I also took an entrepreneur training course at UIC during the spring/summer. During all this time I was going through some issues with my body that was making my life a living hell. So my plate has been full and then some. I feel like I’m constantly letting people down because I’m asked when my film is coming and all I can say it’s coming soon but then I realize people understand what I’m going through and continue to be excited about this project that’s been four years in the making and I really appreciate their enthusiasm and it makes me work harder to give the people what they want and that’s the wheelchair chronicles.
Justin's Wheelchair Chronicles 